- Just after you report “Redcon 1” (Readiness Condition 1 – ready to move out right “now”) for your qualification run, you will realize that you desperately need to take a leak.
- The fuel truck will run out of fuel just before he gets to your tank. Corollary: You will run out of fuel before he returns.
- Tanks don’t float.
- If a supply sergeant is given a choice between death and going to the field with his unit, he will ask for a few minutes to “Think it over.”
- Attempting to help recover a mired tank will only result in your tank becoming mired also.
- The primary purpose of an operations order is to ensure that all blame falls on the line units. Corollary: For this reason, the staff will not publish an operations order until after the exercise is completed.
- Night vision devices will only fail at night. Corollary: They will function perfectly once the sun rises.
- The dirtier and more tired you are, the less appreciative you become of “constructive criticism” from somebody in a pristine uniform.
- The heater on your tank will fail in October. The part to repair it will arrive in April.
- No matter how minor the ailment, a visit to the medics will result in an I.V. Corollary: Arguing with the medics about this will result in your being evacuated in a neck brace and back board (in addition to the I.V.).
- When loading the main gun, remember: “pointy end first.”
- The only times you will throw a track (that flexible band of metal and rubber the tank travels on) are: a. At night, b. in the rain, c. during the movement back to garrison, or d. one hour after you installed the new ones.
- Your vehicle will go NMC (Not Mission Capable – deadlined ) right after the contact team leaves the AO (Area of Operations).
- All infantry fighting vehicles don’t look alike.
- Shaking trees to your front mean that you are being hunted by helicopters.
- When you are told your engineer support was needed elsewhere, the bridge will be out.
- The exercise will finish and you’ll get back to garrison just after the wash rack (where tanks are cleaned) closes.
- If all else fails, shoot at the muzzle flashes – the larger ones are the dangerous ones, the smaller ones are infantry. Corollary: The infantry muzzle flashes you ignore are covering an anti-tank team setting up.
- “Rebel yells” are not proper FM radio procedure after a successful Table VIII (The tank crew qualification test a 10 engagement run on a tank range which tank crews must successfully complete in order to be a qualified crew. Like going to the rifle range for a qualification of expert) shoot.
- XO math: 3 pacs on the ground + no fueler + 2 deadlines = 100% FMC (Fully Mission Capable).
- Close air support is safest from far away.
- Proving that three feet of frontal armor protection will defend against any threat is probably best demonstrated on someone else”s track.
- Hearing an “Aw, shit” soon after an “on-the-waaay!” means you’re probably not getting that promotion.
- Tanks are very easy to see unless you’re dismounted and they’re backing up.
- The one time you skip the firing circuit test is when you have the misfire.
- “GUNNER, SABOT, SNIPER” (firing an anti-tank shell at a sniper) is not an appropriate use of ammunition.
- It is cruel to tell NBC types “Damn, that Fox (NATO chemical/biological/nuclear weapons detection vehicle) looks like a BMP (Russian made armored vehicle used by many countries)!” – particularly when live rounds are being issued.
- Blackout drive + autobahn + 0345 = polizei.
- Unsecured turrets will only swing freely mid-way through a rail tunnel.
- When doing a gunnery, the tank is always operational until you get to the ready line.
- If you are promised “downtime”, what they really mean is: You will be breaking track.
it originated on us.army.mil news group, long ago on Usenet (circa 2001) where a collection of regulars there started a thread on the subject…
someone collected them, submitted it to Armor magazine, and they then published a letter from MSG Campbell claiming authorship & listing his fellow conspirators.